Blah Doesn’t Even Begin to Cover It

November 7, 2008 at 8:06 pm | Posted in Me + Myself + I, Randomosities + Rubbish | 11 Comments
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I swear, if I had a quid every time I’ve cursed my own stupidity, I would rival Bill Gates’ record as the richest person on earth. Hell, I could make his fortune seem like a joke in comparison.

Those impulsive, hastened, rushed, I-don’t-know-what-I-was-thinking moments. Oh, how I loathe them. Whether it is shooting my hand into the air in class as soon as a what, why, how, which is uttered by a teacher, or jumping down an innocent bystander’s throat when I catch them playing a song I dislike in public out loud, or deleting my previous posts by mistake – I don’t know how I manage to rise to extraordinary heights of stupidity.

Impatience, impulsiveness, irritability, I’m all rolled into one. I need patience more desperately than Wall Street needs credit, than George Bush needs grammar lessons, and Pete Wentz a decent haircut.

The other day, for instance, I had just finished explaining my case of why I thought non-rhyming poetry superior to the rhyming sort, to a classmate who stood there looking at me with a fazed expression on his face.

Me: …Rhyming poetry has an element of structural arrangement to it. Non-rhyming poetry is more open and free-flowing, you see. It’s unconventional, it doesn’t follow standard patterns. Therefore it seems somehow more natural, like sort of resembling a jigsaw falling into place…
Him:
(interrupting) I’m sorry, what? I didn’t catch half of what you said. You talk too fast.
Me: (promptly shuts up)

Honestly, I have no idea why it has to be like this every time. Anyway, the moral of the story is:

1) When people say you talk too fast, it’s their fault for lacking in listening skills.
2) ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR STUFF. Unless you happen to have an awesome photographic memory like me, in which case you can type out yours posts word for word, like I did.

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Mind Your Throats, Please

November 6, 2008 at 7:15 pm | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | 5 Comments
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Charles Darwin never really found out the relation between evolution and chewing gum, I believe.

It was dissection in biology practicals the other day. Now, if there is any thing I hate more than getting up early in the morning, it is dissection. I cannot bring myself to dissect a page, let alone an organism. Anyway, the professor was demonstrating and I was only half-listening, trying somehow to force my brain into imagining that the shiny scalpel I held in my hand was a paintbrush or something.

So, the professor grabs the cockroach firmly in one hand, makes a sharp cut and – I swallow my gum. Accidentally. Uh oh. I freak out, rush to the nearest water bottle, grab it and gulp it all down. Class and professor stand stupefied, staring at me gulping down water in such a frenzy, slopping it all down my front.

Professor (to the class): Ah, now, look here. A common case. This particular practical may cause one to feel nauseous.
(turning to and smirking at me): Especially, if one happens to be of a …ah…delicate disposition. A psychological problem.

I was too busy freaking out at my having swallowed gum to take notice of her petty dim-witted insults. She thought I was disturbed at the disection, well in a way I was, but not to the extent of feeling nauseous. It was that piece of gum that was probably clogging up my insides right now that I was getting freaked out at.

Swallowing gum was much more serious than a poor wee cockroach spread out before you waiting to be cut up in the…*shudders* never mind.

I had never swallowed gum before in my life. That’s right, not once. I’d always exercised as much caution during the simple activity of chewing gum as you would while handling radioactive materials. At that moment I was this six year old again, who had just chewed gum for the first time in her life. I thought I was going to die. Seriously. Luckily, that didn’t happen. The Professor continued the dissection and the snide remarks about ‘mental health’, but I didn’t care; I was grateful for being alive.

Later that afternoon I googled up ‘I swallowed gum’ and found out that the chances of an instantaneous death are rather low. Of course S and G and A all told me they’d swallowed gums loads of times before but I’d refused to be comforted.

‘Hello, I’m seventeen and I’ve just swallowed chewing gum for the first time in my life and I think I’m going to die.’

Oh well, I’m never chewing gum again.

Heart Beat, Pig Meat

November 4, 2008 at 8:02 pm | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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While I was staring out the window today, eating chips and singing the solo to Highway Star (yes, I sing guitar solos) it suddenly came back to me. My rose tinted glasses. Where had they been all these days?

I hate my brain. You’re an idiot, I tell it. Why do you always have to imagine the worst? Why do you have to practical at all the wrong times, and most impractical when I need you the most? Why do you have to zoom off into crazy mode when I enter a bookshop? And why, why, do you always have to be on fire with imagination and fancy?

Hmph. I am not going to listen to you anymore.

Ahem, anyway, now that I’ve found my precious glasses – two of them, actually, the rose tinted ones, and my actual ones, which I’d lost for the millionth time and couldn’t find for weeks afterwards – as I say, I find everything easier. Lolcats seems much more funnier. Chips more tastier. Even the sound of ‘Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend’ blaring through an idiotic classmate’s audio player less irritating. Okay, I take thatr back.

Now, this is going to sound stupid, but I want to say:

I love thinking.

(Don’t blame me, I gave the Stupidity Alert already.) As in conscious thinking…deliberate, contemplative. Thinking is my favourite pastime. You know what, I don’t think it really sounds that stupid – not when you realise the fact that very few people actually think these days. No, I am not getting started on that again. I’ve already written a critical essay on the mediocrity of society, haven’t I?

Am I really the biggest egomaniac that ever existed or what? Who am I to judge the mediocroty of the society? Pah, I hate it when I people assume to egoitical. I am anything, a hundred adjectives before egoistical. I mean, do I talk myself for hours on end? Of course I don’t. Do I refuse to share my candy? Of course I don’t. Do I think I’m always right? Of course not…er…okay, only 99 per cent of time.

Which is why it puzzles me when a certain lass in my class should go about telling folks that I have an ‘attitude’ problem. I expect Sonia imagines it will earn her a name in The Dumbest Gossipers That Ever Lived (who knows, I may pen this sometime in the future). But alas, the competition is too strong. All of them talk about me behind my back, something which I find highly amsuing. All of them, of course, are har-brained, cakefaced, superficial specimens, who could do with some brains and a life.

It’s been like this since primary school days, so I don’t really mind it. I hate gossip, I can’t imagine how anyone can find it entertaining in the least. It makes me sick to my stomach. But it follows me everywhere. Sigh. Well, perhaps that is what you get for sticking out from the crowd. That’s why  trust guys more than girls. I don’t feel the need to measure up to them, or judged by them.

On a positive note, Ritchie Blackmore is pure genius.

Two Suns in the Sunset

September 16, 2008 at 5:03 pm | Posted in Musing + Mulling, Randomosities + Rubbish | 1 Comment
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Crowded spaces. Bright lights. Sounds.
Hollowness. Filled to the brim.

The skies bend over and the ground falls away. It’s not that the pain isn’t there. Just that it doesn’t sting anymore.

Fairy tales aren’t meant to be real. It is cruel to compare them with reality.
Reality isn’t always kind.

‘No, I’m fine.’ Why do you ask? You don’t want the answer any more than I want to give it.

I could walk away. But what are you running from?

Tears aren’t ugly. Denial is.

Solitude is company enough.

I don’t ask for much. Stories I can wander in. A song I can listen and fall asleep to.

A golden ocean of grass in the sun. A blue river of dreams. A green canvas of hope. And an endless, selfless beautiful sky, sky of starry nights, sky of warm clouds, sky of splashes of colours, sky of sapphires and rubies.

Dreams can sometimes be all that you have. And yet if you have nothing else but them, you have the biggest wealth of all.

How do you decide what you want?

Sometimes, the best thing you can do to erase the pain, escape the regrets, forget the moment – is to sing.

Why do the stars shine?
Why do I hold back?
Do the answers always lie beyond reach
Or do you create them yourself?

One of These Days

September 1, 2008 at 5:52 pm | Posted in Life as I See It, Randomosities + Rubbish | 6 Comments
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‘The best thing about the future is that it only arrives a day at a time.’

I remember reading this somewhere ages ago (it was Abraham Lincoln who said it), and nodding and thinking to myself, ‘Yes, that’s true no doubt, but how boring.’

That was me being the highly dumb girl I was at fourteen, who used to think only thrill and speed amounted to an exciting life. Now that I am older and ahem, *clears throat* wiser, I do not agree with that speed-thrill-stuff philosophy at all.

In fact, I wholly appreciate the truth that future arrives a day at a time and that’s the best thing about it. I mean, what’s the fun in speeding down the road with everything passing by in a blur? That way, you’re always racing somewhere and in the end, you end up getting nowhere at all.

Still, it perturbs me to see the days passing by in a flash when I can’t get anything productive done. A feeling greatly aggravated when I get a book called Scientist Extraordinary: The Life and Scientific Work of Thomas Henry Huxley out of the library, and come across a passage like this:

…continued entries in Thoughts and Doings (Huxley’s little notebook in which he made irregular jottings when he was seventeen) bear witness:

June 20 [1841]
What have I done in the way of acquiring knowledge since January?
Projects begun:
1. German
2. Italian
3. To read Muller’s Physiology
4. To prepare for the matriculation examination at London University which requires knowledge of:-
(a) Algebra-Geometry
(b) Natural Philosophy …did not begin to read for this until April
(c) Chemistry
(d) Greek-Latin
(e) English History down to end of seventeenth century
(f) Ancient History
(g) English Grammar
5. To make copious notes of all things I read…I must adopt a fixed plan of studies…and let me remember this – that it is better to read a little and thoroughly, than cram a crude undigested mass into my head, though it be in great quantity.

…Bloody hell. I can’t imagine how anyone could be so assiduously brilliant.

To be honest, I think it is more inspiring than aggravating. Hmm, I can’t quite say that I would be able to study Greek, Latin and Italian simultaneously, with History, maths and chemistry thrown in (that would really drive anyone up the wall, unless they’re a genius like Huxley which is highly improbable).

My obsession for self-knowledge notwithstanding, it is high time that I got down to work, now that’s summer’s over and all. Wait, SUMMER’S GONE?!

…seriously, where did the last few months go? Oh dear, not Time again.
By the way, it turns out the evil thing is now sending me snide reminders and premonitions. I don’t know why, but ‘Time’ by Pink Floyd comes up every time on shuffle on WMP (Yes, I support Microsoft).

‘Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you,

No one told you where to run, you missed the starting gun’

And just I happened to be watching the rain when it came on today. On top of that, Anne Dillard goes out of her way to shout at me “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives” from top of the page of the big book of quotations in the morning.

I swear, the Universe is rubbing it in my face.

(Annie, that was certainly a bit of worrying advice. What, am I going to end up spending the rest of my life with my nose buried in a book, living off chips and irn bru, and writing pointless entires like this? Oh, now I’m seriously disconcerted!)

But, but, but at the end of the day, it’s only a day at a time. Phew. And there are so many days. There’s birthday, death day, graduation day, this-day and that-day. There are good days, okay-ish days and some truly terrible days. Our life is sent to us as presents wrapped in these twenty-four-hour-period boxes called ‘days’. All of us would rather the presents were only good, lovely and perfect. Well, hope as we might, that isn’t the case and from time to time a nasty present will turn up. Shocks, disappointments, failures, frustrations – all wrapped neatly with a big fat ribbon on them.

But, when it comes down to it, there’s always another present waiting for us the next day. =D

(Oh, and isn’t Huxley’s opinion on reading stuff just brill?)

Dream Over

December 30, 2007 at 3:16 pm | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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At the end of the day, when I lay back down in bed, I surrender myself to my imagination. I never know where my dreams might take me today. I’ve been to places and done things that I might never do in real life.

Dreaming is a curious phenomenon with me. I dream in colour, and in the greatest detail. I always remember my dreams. In some of my dreams, I am aware that I am dreaming whatever I’m dreaming. Though, this is rare, and in most of the cases, the dream is so real and so vivid, that I can literally live the experience.

Today, I had a series of about four dreams (*coughlie-incough*). When I woke up, I knew almost immediately that I’d had a rapid succession of dreams, and all the images and impressions associated with them came flooding back to me. But then it struck me that it never crossed my mind, during the entire period that I was asleep, how I switched between the dreams. I wasn’t aware of moving onto another dream or remembering a previous one.

Anyway, what bothers me is the sensation I get the moment I am out of sleep – the moment I’m awake. Somehow, it leaves me with a sense of emptiness. As if a part of me was taken away. When I have the darkest of dreams – they linger with me in my mind for the rest of the day. I do not give much thought to neutral dreams, while happy ones…hang on; I haven’t had any happy dreams lately. None that I remember. Goodness, and I didn’t even know.

All I know is, something tiny, something sad sets in me once I get out of the dream. What can this mean? Am I becoming addicted to dreaming? Am I scared of facing reality?

I think I’m tangled up too much in my imagination. Wherever I go, whatever I do, it is always at work. Always thinking something. Yearning to get away from the mundane realities of routine life. Making up its own reality… I know this could be quite dangerous. I’m already known to be the most absent-minded person around. Always absorbed in my own thoughts, in some ‘other world’.

When I go to sleep, I try to empty my mind. In surrendering to my dreams, I am taking off the burdens of my life. Reality doesn’t matter in dreams. I have dabbled in dream interpretation and sometimes, they have provided me clues – even helped me out on an occasion or two.

But where can this lead? Either I’m going to end up as a lonely old person with her head in fancies and not knowing her own address or who knows, I could be some writer or scientist!

I hope it’s the second one.

The Slightest Things…

December 18, 2007 at 10:40 am | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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…make me happy.

I re-organised my wardrobe today. Thank God now mum won’t nag me. I only hope that it stays that way and doesn’t get messy again.

My computer is being super-fast.

I finished rearranging my bookshelves. They look lovely.

This pasta is tasty.

Christmas is almost here.

I bought two new CDs. Maiden and Zeppelin.

I’ve come to realise that though things get rough sometimes, they always get sorted out in the end and that worrying about the uncertain is stupid.

I’m happy being me.

Why Is It Always Me?

December 10, 2007 at 11:41 am | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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So I have been asking myself this question since I don’t know when. Probably when I first lost my third successive watch, or when I spilled the water jug for the millionth time at the table, or when I smashed one of mum’s most expensive mugs to pieces.

I am not heavy-handed with things. I don’t generally damage CDs, books, stationery, stuff like that. But when it comes to things such as ear-rings or glasses, I either lose them or damage them permanently.

I’m frequently (or rather, daily) criticised for being so careless. Well, guess what? I really don’t think I can do anything about it. However hard I try, it just happens. It happens, moreover, to just me. None of my friends or siblings or family have known a person who regularly cost them loss on such a frequent basis, or are like me in the least themselves.

No, it is always me who breaks, smashes, loses, damages, spills, drops.

Yesterday, for instance, I was wearing a red, long, flowing sort of skirt. Nothing could probably go wrong. I was in the the living room, and some idiot had left a water jug on the floor. I didn’t notice the jug, and walked past. In one sweep of my skirt, the jug toppled over, water spilled a feet over and my skirt got wet. Hmph! Naturally I was once again repremanded for my carelessness, but why the hell did anyone have to leave that jug lying there of all places? And I wasn’t looking at the floor when I was walking, I was in my own house, not on the street or in the park.

I also remember when I’d recived a brand new geometry set from a relative abroad as a present. I ripped open the package with delight. As I was examining the shiny silver compass, it just dropped down from my hands. Next thing I knew, the compass’s sharp point was damaged and the new compass was rendered useless. I also lost my mp3 player in the Underground (I still remember the lecture that followed). And once, when I was carrying my brother’s PSP to plug the charger in, it just slipped through my hands – luckily, the fall was short, so it didn’t cause any visible damage (and I thought it wise not to tell my brother that I had dropped his PSP).

To be honest, I think there’s more to it than I thought there was. From my initial ‘why-only-me’ I’ve moved to ‘why-me-at-all’. If I were living in the 8 century BC, I’d probably say I’m jinxed. But really, I think it’s just me not paying enough attention to everyday things (though that doesn’t explain why I’ve never damaged a single book). Honestly, I’m a bit alarmed…if this continues, I don’t know where I’m going to end up. I really don’t think it’s funny or amusing or anything like that. It’s dead serious. If I continue overlooking little things, they may cost me my job tomorrow. Who knows, even my life. Or others’.

So it’s time for paying more attention to Little Things. Because they matter. Well, sometimes just as much as the Big Things, and sometimes even more.

Yay for responsibility.

Because I’m Bored!

November 20, 2007 at 6:01 am | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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OKAY.

I actually hate myself for doing this MySpacey kind of thing.

But hey. I’m actually surprised that the results are true 90 per cent of the time.

So I’m gunna waste my time doing these little quizzes :]

And it’s funnn.

Your Brain’s Pattern
You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you’re hard to read, but that’s because you’re so internally focused.
But when you do share what you’re thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.
Wheyyyy. So true. It even confirms the title of this blog.

You Are 80% Intuitive
You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right.
You’re wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous.
When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it – and look at the facts instead.
I didn’t really need this test to show me that I’m intuitive. I’m intuitive enough to know that I’m intuitive. Well I’ve always known it, I’m almost psychic in my ability to sizing up people and situations – and proud of it!

You are a Brainy Girl!
Whether you’re an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you’re always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he’s got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn’t hurt either!
Ehhh…I’m not surprised really…I tried my best to be honest. And I was; but I wanted a different answer!

What Your Favorite Color Black Says About You:
Timeless — Stylish — Sophisticated
Overpowering — Intimidating — Dominant
Perfectionist — Controlling — Competent
Hehe. Black rules.

Your Aura is Violet
Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don’t always use it!
The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say.Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony. Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach.
Yerr. I love being the leader!

Your Inner Child Is Happy
You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing.
You’re cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes.
And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad.
You figure there’s just so many great things to look forward to.
My inner child is happy.

What People Think of Your Mouth
People see you both as mysterious and exotic.
You definitely have cultivated your own unique interests and lifestyle.
Brainy and quick witted, you aren’t one for superficial friendships.
But if someone can make you laugh or think, they’ll likely be your friend for life.
Oh Jesus. I only took this test because I thought it was stupid and was sceptical, but this is so right it kinda creeps me out. I never knew you could deduce so much with a mouth!

You Are A Good Friend
You’re always willing to listen
Or lend a shoulder to cry on
You’re there through thick and thin
Many people consider you their “best friend”!
No surprises there.

You Are 94% Creative
You are an incredibly creative person. For you, there are no bounds or limits to your creativity.
Your next creation could be something very great… Or at least very cool!
This is what I was looking for! But woo! 94!

Yumminess

September 21, 2007 at 4:53 pm | Posted in Randomosities + Rubbish | Leave a comment
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I’m sick of being worried.
I’m sick of people nagging me.
I’m sick of having regrets.
I’m sick of thinking about the problems and horrors in store for me.
I’m sick of being told what to do.
I’m sick of being misunderstood.
I’m sick of being taken for granted.
I’m sick of being sick.

That’s why I’m going to have a huge bar of chocolate. Chocolate is yummy. It makes me feel good. Yeah I love it. I’m cutting down on coffee but I eat so much of chocolate. I can go on eating any amount of chocolate…without getting sick.

I’m not sick of eating chocolate so much.
I’m not sick of music.
I’m not sick of reading.
I’m not sick of dreaming.
I’m not sick of laughing.
I’m not sick of acting like a five year old.

Chocolate. yyyuuummm.

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