Quicksilver

September 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm | Posted in Me + Myself + I | 8 Comments
Tags: , , , ,

I confess I have been rather negligent towards this blog whose poor soul has been tangled up in webs and dust in some lone forgotten corner for what seems like centuries now.

Though the reasons for my absence have been many, I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I refrained from writing for so long. Actually, my mind has been giving me a lot of trouble in the wrapping department lately. Seems like every time I try to wrap it around something, the darned thing proves itself about as much wrappable as an Electrasol Powergel Dishwater Detergent (with Power-Jet). Messy and slippery, I mean to say.

It has now been exactly 56 days, 20 hours, 28 minutes and 31 seconds since I turned eighteen. And that, to me, is the most un-wrappable thing in existence.

For me, age has always been one of those ‘things’ that every one is forever harping on about along with shopping, shoes and other such unworthy things. Until now, however, I had managed to tuck the whole ‘Age’ thing in a remote corner of my mind, something amounting to ‘just a number’, and nothing more. But now, suddenly, age is no longer about the numbers, but what society calls the ‘deeper stuff.’ I mean, Eighteen. Even the word Eighteen sounds so grown up. Compared to, say Twelve, which seems cheerful, Fifteen, which seems carefree, and Seventeen, which still manages to seem quite friendly, Eighteen sounds too menacing and grim and cold and serious.

And yet, the thing that I’m not able to understand, the thing that’s absolutely driving me mad, the thing I cannot figure out – is why I still cannot come to terms with it, despite trying my best to. That’s the funny thing. I don’t feel eighteen. I’m not talking about feeling ‘grown up’ and all that, just feeling eighteen, for what it is, nothing else.

But now I think of it, it’s not just to do with being eighteen. I’ve always felt any age but my own. Sometimes I feel like a total kid, but at other times I’m weighed down by things and thoughts, far advanced than my age, that scare me that I’m actually a 60 year old trapped in the body of an eighteen year old.

Maybe, as JE puts it, it’s due to my being more interested in eating the cake than in the number of candles it has. Or maybe it’s just due to my mind resembling Electrasol Powergel Dishwater Detergent (with Power-Jet) as usual.

Anyway, of all the darndest things,  ‘acting your age’ is certainly the most difficult. Is it something inherently impossible, or, does it, as with many other things, become better with time? If that’s the case, I hope it proves itself less slippery than Electrasol Powergel Dishwater Detergent (with Power-Jet) in the coming years.

Advertisements

8 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. You should try feeling like an 18 year old trapped inside a 60 year old body some time. Glad you found me. Stop by often. I’m trying to post every day. Attic Annie

  2. Haha, I will =] Oh and believe me, Eighteen alone sounds too scary to me, and as for Sixty – it’s simply incomprehensible, no, inconceivable.

  3. It’s good to see you writing again :)

    Your post reminded me about the novel ‘Flowers for Algernon.’ Give it a try if you haven’t already — I think you’ll like it.

    For a long time, I thought growing up was all about waiting for things to make sense. They didn’t when I turned 18, and they still don’t. I am now trying to accept that people are imperfect and that you can’t have good without bad… I also have the goal of doing something for myself everyday (such as writing, going out for a run, etc.), so that I feel that *I* am in control of my own life, and not some stupid system of rules like work or college.

    Argh, what am I talking about. I don’t know any more than the next person. I should just shut up and keep my eyes and ears and mind open.

    Anyway, I think no one really acts their age. They only differ in how well they hide it.

    • You helped me to gain a new perspective on the whole thing. Thanks. :)

  4. You’re back! :)

    I think acting your age is one of those things people talk about without being able to actually do, at least not on purpose. Maybe it’s like the Douglas Adams theory of flying- “aim at the ground and miss”.

    • haha, i’d bet on that =]

  5. Yay, you are back! :o)

    A bit lately, but happy birthday!

    Gotta run now, but be back for more.

    • A bit lately, but thanks! ;)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: